Shmuel Nissel was twenty-seven and still single. Shiduchim were slow in coming, despite the best attempts of his upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Fendel, who was a professional shadchan.

One night, Mrs. Fendel called with a potential shiduch. “I know a young lady, Sari, who is just perfect for Shmuel,” she said to Mrs. Nissel.

“That would be nice,” said Mrs. Nissel, “but all the other ones who were supposedly ‘just perfect’ haven’t been.”

“Really,” said Mrs. Fendel. “I am convinced that Sari is just right.” She explained for twenty minutes why the two were the perfect match.

“It certainly sounds like it’s worth a try,” said Mrs. Nissel.

The first meeting went well, as did the second and third.

“How’s the shiduch working out?” Mrs. Fendel asked Shmuel’s mother.

“They definitely have much in common,” Mrs. Nissel replied, “but some issues still remain.”

After going out seriously for weeks, though, Sari decided to stop. A year went by.

Friends of the family, Mr. and Mrs. Rafi Green, came over for Shabbos. As the two families sat around the table, the discussion turned to shiduchim.

“Do you remember Sari, who Shmuel went out with last year?” asked Rafi. 

“Of course we remember,” said the Nissels. “Shmuel was very interested. They almost got engaged.”

“My wife works with Sari,” said Rafi. “Her impression is that Sari might be willing to resume going out.”

“We’d be happy to give it another try if Sari’s interested,” said Shmuel’s parents.

The next day, Rafi called Mr. Nissel. “My wife spoke with Sari’s family, and they’re interested in trying again.”

“Thank you so much!” exclaimed Mr. Nissel.

A month later, Rafi called to find out how the shiduch was progressing. “It looks like it’s going to work out this time!” Mr. Nissel told him.

Sure enough, two weeks later, the Nissels called their close friends and neighbors. “Shmuel just got engaged to Sari and there’s a l’chaim at our house tonight!”

Mrs. Fendel was one of the first to arrive. “Mazal Tov! Mazal Tov!” she called out. “So, it was the right shiduch after all.” She approached Mrs. Nissel excitedly and said, “See, I told you I would be the shadchan!”

“I’m really glad it worked out in the end,” responded Mrs. Nissel happily. “It was good that the Greens pushed us to resume the shiduch.”

No sooner had they finished talking, when Rafi Green walked in. “Mazal Tov! Mazal Tov!” he called out. “So, the shiduch was the right one.” He gave Mr. Nissel a big smile and thumped him on the back, adding with a wink, “I guess I’ve finally made it as a shadchan.”

“Yes, yes...” responded Mr. Nissel happily, but confused. “I’m really glad it worked out. It was good that Mrs. Fendel suggested the shiduch a year ago.”

Mr. Nissel was perturbed. “Who is the real shadchan?” he thought. “Who is entitled to the shadchanus money?”

The following day, Mr. Nissel met with Rabbi Dayan.

“Who is considered the real shadchan?” Mr. Nissel asked. “Is it Mrs. Fendel, who suggested the shiduch in the first place and helped Shmuel and Sari in the early days of meeting each other, or Mr. Green, who encouraged them to resume going out and ultimately get engaged?”

“Generally speaking, the one who brings the transaction to fruition deserves the agent’s fee,” Rabbi Dayan answered. “However, the accepted practice is to split the shadchan gelt between the one who began the shiduch and the one who completed it, especially when the first meetings ultimately contributed to the engagement.”

“So they share it 50/50?” asked Mr. Nissel.

“Some divide it that way,” replied Rabbi Dayan (Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:42). “However, since the one who completes the transaction is usually primary, the more prevalent custom to give one-third to the one who began the shiduch and two-thirds to the one who completed it (Pischei Teshuva C.M. 185:3).”

“That makes a lot of sense,” said Mr. Nissel. “In truth, we do owe both of them a debt of gratitude.”

He pulled out his checkbook and wrote one check to Mrs. Fendel and another for twice the amount to Rafi Green. He thanked them both and explained that Rabbi Dayan recommended dividing the shadchan money in this manner.